Bible Adventures (NES) Retro Review

Bible Adventures is an unlicensed set of 3 small games for the NES developed and published by Wisdom Tree. The games are Noah’s Ark, Baby Moses, and David and Goliath which are all based on stories from the Old Testament.

 

 

The way it goes straight to the game select screen was a bit worrying and you couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t use up the whole screen either. The graphics already look weird, especially the eyes, and the music gets annoying really quickly. Not that you can expect anything good from something unofficial though.

 

If you think Noah was weak note he apparently built that huge Ark by himself.

First game was Noah’s Ark and knowing the story (and watching someone play it before) i knew you had pick up animals and take them to the ark. The graphics looked quite weird and the music was not only bad but it got drowned out by terrible sound effects too (that goddamn cow mooing…).

The controls seemed simple enough but the gameplay made it stupidly hard. Some stuff seemed impossible to pick up for no apparent reason. Then there’s the awkward realization that despite playing as an old man you can not only pick up (small) horses like it was nothing but you can even stack 4 of them on top of each other which is admittedly is a bit amusing and better than it’d be if you could only hold 1 at a time.

Ultimately the amusement of running faster than the screen, climbing trees in record time and picking up tonnes of animals at once gets boring so i quit. The annoying tips and bible quotes you could pick up didn’t help. There’s more than level but only one location.

 

She’s picking up a new boyfriend.

Second game was Baby Moses and graphics, music and controls were the same as the previous game although the goal and level layout were not. The idea was to carry baby Moses to a basket like in the story but for some reason there are spiders and stuff trying to kill you and you can throw Moses around with no negative repercussions. That is if you don’t throw him in the water and ‘accidentally’ kill him.

The superhuman strength is back too and she’s even stronger than Moses. Forget merely dodging the spear throwing people, she can pick them up and throw them in the air high enough that they actually ‘die’ upon landing. Once again I could only be bothered to get through 1 of the levels because of how quickly it gets boring.

 

Who cares about sheep, i wanted a lion…

The Last game, David and Goliath, is just like the first one in that you are tasked with collecting animals though this time there’s only 1 specific animal to get 4 of while others are trying (and failing) to attack you.

You’re not given that much of an oppurtunity to show off your super strength unless you get all 4 sheep at once although knocking out a lion by throwing an acorn at it so you can pick it up temporarily is definitely impressive.

I gave up after speeding through 3 levels and realising that despite claiming its based on David and Goliath you do nothing but save sheep.

Overall its not unbelievably terrible like a lot of people claim but it is incredibly boring. There’s no way I’d want to play it even if it was made by a non shitty developer.

I may play it on my YouTube channel if it gets requested enough though.